Darkest before the dawn

I had planned on doing another Dr. Oz 3 day detox cleanse after Christmas because it made me feel so great when I was done and I wanted to get the new year started right.  Well, then we got visited by the stomach bug and even though I didn’t get it, I was terrified I would and lost my appetite for a little over a week.  Not eating anything but crackers, bananas, and oatmeal for a week messed up my body.  When I got my appetite back all I wanted to eat, all that sounded good, were carbs and more carbs since that’s what I had been eating for a week.  Honestly, I allowed myself to eat whatever I was craving because, I had gotten down to 110lbs.  <—— not cute.  I haven’t been able to/wanted to work out since the boys have been home so that, coupled with the craptastic diet I have been eating has REALLY been affecting me.  I have been feeling a little edgy lately but I felt like I would start feeling better soon since things have been getting back to normal.  The boys will go back to school on Tuesday, we were supposed to be getting some good news yesterday <—– more on that later…everything was beginning to look bright again.

Then…..

Today in the middle of church I had a panic attack.  I had to get up and leave.  If you have ever had a panic attack you know the feeling of fight or flight.  I felt like I was in some sort of danger and needed to run for my life!   It’s really to most ODD sensation.  I hate it.  I was supposed to volunteer in Aidan’s class this morning but I had to get out of there.  It wasn’t until I got home that I started to calm down and realize what had just happened.  It hadn’t happened in so long, I forgot what it was.

That was a wake up call for me.  I have to get back on track with my normal healthy eating and exercise.  It is essentially vital for me.  If I want to finish this race, this time of trial and patience, I have to, have to, have to be on my A- Game.  The devil is prowling, just waiting for a weak moment to attack me.  This morning was one of them.  It had been a stressful morning as usual on top of everything else…….So…..I am doing the Dr. Oz 3 day cleanse again Mon/Tue/Wed to help get me back on track.

Eat Better Feel Better

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Today’s panic attack was no doubt also a product of the two anxiety ridden days before.

Friday we got word that a buyer was “VERY INTERESTED” in our house and had asked for a seller’s disclosure.  The statement from the buyer’s agent was “The earliest we can expect a write up would be Saturday.”  SAY WHAT?!?!  Praise God….Halleluiah!  On Saturday we had two showings.  One was a new person who came 15 min early. Thankfully was had JUST left and were driving down the street to see them drive up to the house, get out of the car, walk up to the door, walk back to the car and leave.  ????? Confused smile  Who knows…Well anyway, the second showing right after that was with the buyers who were “very interested”.  Ok, first of all, I was disappointed that instead of an offer from them, we had a second showing.  We never heard anything from them that day and we STILL have yet to hear anything.  Just the constant expectation that at any moment now,  we could have all of our prayers answered is incredibly nerve wracking…..<—understatement.

Meanwhile…..our “could be dream home” is sitting out there, free game, and I just feel like at any moment now I will get a notification…..PENDING.  I seriously need a valium right now.  But you know what?  Deep….WAY WAAAAAAY down deep, I know everything will work out perfectly and that takes the edge off, a little…..

Cries

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Even though today was no bueno, SATURDAY was quite lovely….minus being on the edge of insanity waiting for the good news we were teased with.

I went to Target (happy place) to let the boys pick out some toys with their Christmas gift cards.  I found a GREAT deal on some Starbucks coffee! It was the Christmas blend for 70% off!  Holla!

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I started the day off on the right note with some oatmeal, my vitamins and a big cup of water.

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Before we left I had a quick lunch because I was running out of time before our first showing.

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The banana was good but the bar…..not so much.  “Gross” pretty much would describe it.  I didn’t take a look at the list of chemicals on the back when I bought it…..so that was unpleasant to see AFTER I had choked it down…..”Man that was not good at all…” Turns over the wrapper…..sees list of 50 impossible to pronounce words….files it under “What was I thinking?”

When I got home that afternoon I was ravenous & I ate some almonds, some turkey, a cheese stick, some Fritos with hummus, after that I lost track…..by the end of the night I had a stomach ache from all the leftover Christmas candy I ate out of sheer stress and anxiety…..Not proud of that one bit….but….it is what it is.  Hence the detox starting tomorrow….

We are ending the day with Aidan running a 102 fever…..I am ready for this to be over, on the real!!….

darkdawn4

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